I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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