dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
just found out that she named her cat after me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
