WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
COCAINE IS GR8
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
