tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
