The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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