Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
