Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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