I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
