just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
