PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
