Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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