You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
