I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
