WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
