I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
