and she was petting her beer can
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
