hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
