i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
