I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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