my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
