he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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