so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
