My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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