I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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