party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just invented taco cereal.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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