so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
even my farts smell like vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
