I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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