My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
