So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
