Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
