$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
