So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
