I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
