Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
