If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize