You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
