How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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