I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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