Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
