Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
