im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
