do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
