I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
