I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
