you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
