if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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