Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
