how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
