is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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