U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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