Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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