why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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