I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
