I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize