your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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