I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize