): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
