I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize