I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
