Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I could fuck to npr.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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