What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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