I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
