Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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