I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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