Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
