...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
