I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
