Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
