I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
