My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I forget how to act sober
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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