Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
