When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
