guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
