So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
