I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
