Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
