but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
