just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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