I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
