are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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