dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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