the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
