not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
