Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
