Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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