I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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