I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
