oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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