tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize