He is an equal opportunity slut.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
